When College Rejection (or Being Waitlisted) Feels Personal

"I worked so hard for four years. What was it all for?"

"I wasn't good enough."

"Was all my hard work even worth it?" 

"I'm not what they wanted."

Each quote above is direct from students we have worked with at Estrela. We get it. Rejection is really hard. To top it off, this may be the first time you've ever experienced rejection or the feelings of "not being good enough." Especially if you're used to being "one of the best” in your school/class/activity, etc. It's completely normal to want to question everything that led you to this moment. 

However, we urge you to consider the following:

• Your work throughout high school mattered. It mattered because without it, you would not have had a competitive application.
• Your work mattered because it put you in a position to have a chance at admission to the schools on your list. 
  • When it comes to highly selective schools, all you can do is position yourself to have a chance. 
• You can feel assured that the application you compiled and submitted is the very best representation of you that can be captured in one application!
  • REMEMBER - you are infinitely dynamic and way more fascinating than any application could ever truly showcase.
• Equally, consider that variables well beyond your control (we call these institutional priorities) impact admissions decisions.

We know that we're asking a lot of you to step away from the expectations you have for yourself and that others have of you (parents, teachers, school community). Please take a breath. Practice self-compassion and self-love. Know that you "left it all on the field" with your applications. Seek gratitude for the acceptances that went your way. 

Resources to more realistically understand your outcomes (rather than taking the road of self-blame):

• The Hidden Factors Driving Admissions - a great blog post about institutional priorities (IPs)
• The Two Most Important Letters in College Admission - more insight into how decisions are largely driven by IPs
• Where Have All the Target Schools Gone? A Case Study on The University of Tennessee - (published March 2024) by The Write Path College Counseling
• It's Not You, It's Them - awesome article offsetting self-blame
• Resilience from Rejection - helps answer the 'now what?' question
• The Waiting Game: Top 5 Tips for Waitlisted Applicants